(Seeking Title Sponsor for this Article) (01/06/04) --

While watching the Sugar Bowl on Sunday night, I sat and reflected upon a few things. I thought about the possibility of a college playoff, then I thought back on when I, not Nick Saban, led LSU to its first national title since the 50’s (of course it was on NCAA Football 2000 for Playstation, but that’s just a minor detail.) Mostly, however, I sat there in stunned disbelief at yet another sham of an event that the BCS championship game put on. I’m not talking about the ludicrous notion of the split national championship or of Brent Musberger’s over-dramatized play-by-play. No, I’m talking about the over-the-top nature of the whole entire production.

One of the greatest things about college football is how it harkens back to the old days. Whereas in the NFL we have multi-million dollar entertainers posturing for their next career move, college football still gives us a glimpse of athletics past. Alumni and regional fans pack a crazy menagerie of different quirky stadiums around the country. The games are played in the afternoon with the band playing in the background and the student section cheering on their fellow students.

Instead of the BCS, next year I'm watching Behind the Music: Winger, dude.

That’s what is so fundamentally wrong with the BCS bowls, the championship game in particular. Any resemblance left to Saturday afternoon football by the BCS organizers is entirely coincidental I assure you. While the homecoming game might be sponsored by some organization on campus that gets a brief mention at halftime, the bowl game is sponsored by some organization that owns campus and IS halftime. (Exhibit A: What in God’s name was going on in those Snoop Dogg commercials? They ran the entire first half, confusing every single person watching them, and soiling the good name of Terry Bowden. They might as well have thrown in a guy dressed up as Abe Lincoln, the Stanford tree, and couple of Teletubbies just to complete the chaos that was that “advertising” campaign.)

The Sugar Bowl is also worse than the other three BCS bowls at hosting the championship for the simple fact that it is played in a dome. Saturday afternoon football outside is a lot different than Sunday night football played in the Superdome. Not only is the atmosphere different football-wise, but the crowd is a completely different animal altogether as well. Normally bowl games are fun because of the dual fan bases jeering one another, but this became so corporatized that all anyone in the crowd was cheering for was Nokia.

Nokia this, Nokia that. That’s all we really ever got. Huge Cingular logos on the coaches’ headsets? Check. Worthless giveaway on Bourbon Street before the game? Check. Shameless promotion by two different company executives on the awards podium? Big check. (“On behalf of the millions of Nokia customers, the thousands of employees, our parent company, the companies we are going to buy out, the grand jury indicting us on antitrust charges…)

On top of it all the games are usually completely lousy. I think back to the 1999 Fiesta Bowl (Yes, it is the Fiesta Bowl. You wouldn’t think that, though, since the word “Tostitos” is twice as big as “Fiesta” in the logo) when Tennessee claimed its first national championship since the Taft administration. This was a great night for me seeing the boys in orange bring home that gaudy (or as Nokia calls it, “Ultimate Bling”) football. But the football game itself was terrible. Florida State was playing its third string quarterback which accounted for some of that, but it still wasn’t enough to explain just the dearth of basic football skills shown. Aside from a deep bomb to Peerless Price and an interception return for touchdown by the recently convicted Dwayne Goodrich, the rest of the game was a snooze. Sadly, it was a sign of things to come for the BCS.

You say "why" but I say "why not?"

It seems the only time they got it right was last year in the great game between Miami and Ohio State. But only then could we overlook the corporatization of the bowl simply because the contest was so good. And no, I don’t mean some dumb contest where Joe Theisman coaches a guy wearing an entire Nokia wardrobe to throw footballs through a giant phone. I'm talking about an actual college football game.

To put it bluntly, the college football “championship game” is a nauseating spectacle that I am GLAD only comes once a year. Handoff, kick, commercial, commercial within game, announcers shill for sponsor, I vomit, deep pass.....it’s a never ending affair. I love college football, but this is just ridiculous. I don’t want giant facsimiles of the United States being held up by the entire populace of Uganda on the field while Jessica Simpson waddles her no-talent butt out to sing the national anthem. I don’t want the Nokia hierarchy stiffly reciting their congratulations right after shilling again for their company. I don’t want ten minute introductions for both teams. And I especially don’t want any more stupid Snoop Dogg sagas.

I want a football game, just like we see the rest of the season. But when it comes to the Bowl Corporate Series, football is just about the last thing on any of the organizers’ minds. Final score? It doesn’t matter. I know that there was a mostly boring football game played at some point, but the most important thing is that FIFA Soccer is now on the Nokia N-Gage. I guess I better run out and pick that up, considering I did just watch a three-and-a-half hour commercial for it.

The Leonardite