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You may have been wondering what it all means. Why we are here, what we are trying to accomplish. I’m speaking of Buckner Week, of course. You may be wondering what exactly this whole endeavor is trying to prove on a grander scale.

If you are wondering these things, you have too much time on your hands.

But the truth is that you would not be completely out of line to think that there may be a deeper meaning to Buckner Week than appears on the surface. We’ve laughed and cried together. We’ve looked at our peers, our heroes, and our villains. But I guess if there is a driving purpose behind Buckner Week, other than to revel in all things Billy Buck, it just might be that we were supposed to get to this day for a big announcement.

A lot of people were looking toward this day with a great deal of sadness. This was to be the end of one great week. But now, we are left with something to look forward to, rather than remorsefully dwell upon. Today, Leonardite.com announces to the world, the institution of…

International Buckner Day

This holiday will take place on January 3rd every year. The reason for this is that January is known as “enero” in Spanish. Therefore, International Buckner Day’s shorthand designation will be “E-3.”

E-3 is fun for the whole family. Especially if your family has a British housekeeper.
What and how will we celebrate on E-3? This is simple and logical. Take New Year’s Eve, the holiday that occurs just a few days earlier. This festival is designed to be accompanied by jubilant partying. People are encouraged to drink good drinks, socialize with many people, and basically let loose. This is a time to eat, drink, and be merry.

Naturally, New Year’s Eve needs a counterbalance, something to offset the ecstasy associated with it. That’s where International Buckner Day comes in. Here are the details of this grand plan.

  • E-3, like New Year’s, will be accompanied by drinking alcohol. But instead of going out with friends and family, people will be encouraged to drink large amounts of alcohol by themselves. The more depressing and sullen environment, the better. Revelers are asked that they reflect on the anguish that Buckner has caused them as they consume their alcohol.
  • Instead of counting down, “3-2-1-Happy New Year!” participants will instead do a countdown to the exact time that Buckner made his infamous error. A generally accepted countdown for this would be, “3-2-1-F*****' Buckner.” The last phrase should not be yelled, but rather it should be muttered disdainfully. An angry spit is acceptable afterward.
  • Rather than making New Year’s resolutions, participants are asked to painstakingly relive the old mistakes of Buckner.
The public is encouraged to be creative with new ways to spend E-3. With any luck, we’ll get work and school off on this day within ten years. Then the real festivities will begin.

So thank you to all who took part in Buckner Week. It certainly has been nice to sit back and reflect on all that Billy Buck has given and taken away from us. There may be one more, “hangover” installment of Buckner Week next week, but if not, get prepped for International Buckner Day. It will be an erroneously good time.

The Leonardite
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Dedicated to The Stick