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 (Leonardite note: This installment of Buckner Week is going to be brief due to the fact that my internet service right now is limited. Thursday and Friday should hopefully bring us back to normal, but stay tuned) It’s like the Black Death, or maybe just some awful…………ah, I hate to say this word………curse. The far-reaching effects of the infamous error in 1986 go beyond even the Boston organization. For the E-3 heard ‘round the world has affected a certain group of people… A certain group of people named, “Buckner.” Even if they are not related to Bill, these poor people have obviously been afflicted with a Buckner disease. They can only hope to overcome its adverse effects and live a normal life, unlike the people below... Something is fishy during Buckner Week This story is bizarre enough on its own. Apparently a group of guys were kicking back on the boat and reeling in some fish. Sounds like a good time, right? Well, it was. That is, it was fun until one of the idiots decided to stick a whole fish in his mouth. Now a mouth full of scales and slime isn’t exactly my idea of a joke, but to this man it seemed not only like a good idea, but a hilarious one as well. Well, the fish then became lodged in his throat. Efforts to remove the fish were in vain and the man died on this fateful fishing trip. His name? Henry Thomas Buckner. In the midst of Buckner Week, a man died from sticking a fish in his mouth. Apparently, the Buckner influences are particularly strong and far-reaching this week and a fellow Buckner has fallen from a fish in the throat. Don’t do everything you see on TV, especially if you see a guy let the World Series-winning grounder roll through his legs If you have never played Grand Theft Auto III or have been living in a cave and haven’t heard about it, it is the one of the most violent and anarchist games I have ever played. Subsequently, it is an absolute blast to play. Nowhere in real life can you steal so many cars, carry out missions, and kill indiscriminately without any repercussions. Of course, the operative phrase there is “real life.” Any normal person realizes that this is simply a game and that if you have one of these illegal desires, Grand Theft Auto can fill it. But some people seem to want to do this in real life. Who are these people? Buckners, of course. And the 16 year-old's name is William. This is the kind of stuff you can't make up. Here in the midst of Buckner Week, lawsuits have been filed against Rockstar Games, the maker of the game and the retailer who sold it to the delinquent Buckner children. Two Buckners, sixteen and fourteen years of age, apparently decided to shoot at passing vehicles in the Great Smoky Mountains. I think the lawsuit would probably be more appropriate if they just decided to sue Bill. It’s most likely his fault anyway. But not THIS Bill Buckner. The Bill Buckner who is the brains behind sodaglaze.com. While doing my research for Buckner week, I came across this Buckner. The first words on his page were for people to stop e-mailing him about his “career” and the 1986 World Series. He claims that he is not even a baseball fan. If my name was Bill Buckner, I wouldn’t be either. I tried to e-mail him and see if he could give me any stories that people have sent to him, but he declined to respond. One can only imagine how tired he is of hearing about this play. I am reminded of the character Michael Bolton, from Office Space. If you haven’t seen it, this Bolton cannot stand the musician or his work. “If you hate him so much, why don’t you just go by Mike?” “Why should I change my name? He’s the one that sucks.” I can only conclude that this is the opinion of the other Bill Buckner, the one who maintains a site about pottery. I’m sure he’s tired of the anguish that comes from being not only a Buckner, but Bill Buckner. Or maybe he’s tired of being involved with pot making, and not the kind that has street value. Either way, he’s a Buckner. That’s enough to deal with. And because of that, I told myself, “Let the man be. He has a lot of issues to handle without me bothering him anymore.” Rest easy, Buckners. But be on guard, for you never know when the legacy of old number 6 will influence your life like those I have mentioned above. And just to be safe, leave any fish you come across out of your mouth. The Leonardite |
Dedicated to The Stick