January 29, 2006
Name: Boombastic
Location: Dickie

Happy late birthday sorry i couldn't make it back for J24 or for the party at joes place. See you soon and hope all is well back in the real civilized world

peace out


Pictured: Leslie and Neil blow out birthday candles.

Not Pictured: Neil attacks the contents of the keg in a manner best described as "heroically inappropriate."

January 19, 2006
Name: The MCL

I'm not hurt by the fact that you lost my entry. I'm hurt because you don't have it memorized. You can't keep me forever Leonardite, treating me like this.

Oh, I have it memorized. So does the Duck, but apparently labeling a man as a homosexual or "fag" as the kids call them these days, drives some people from the guestbook. A rotten shame, I thought we had a good thing going.

January 5, 2006
Name: skins fan

Your Pat Beach story had me in tears..

It is pretty sad, I must admit. We tried reconciling a couple weeks ago, but midway through our cuddle session with two mugs of rich chocolate Ovaltine and an underrated performance by Steven Seagal in our rented VHS of "Hard to Kill", I told Pat that it wasn't going to work and left him crying on the davenport.

December 21, 2005
Name: George Foreman

Hello leonardite, here is a large selection of Mike Tyson quotes for your enjoyment:

"Lennox Lewis, I'm coming for you man. My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah!"

“[He] called me a ‘rapist’ and a ‘recluse.’ I’m not a recluse.”

"One morning I woke up and found my favorite pigeon, Julius, had died I was devastated and was gonna use his crate as my stickball bat to honor him. I left the crate on my stoop and went in to get something and I returned to see the sanitation man put the crate into the crusher. I rushed him and caught him flush on the temple with a titanic right hand he was out cold, convulsing on the floor like a infantile retard."

"My power is discombobulatingly devastating I could feel is muscle tissues collapse under my force. It's ludicrous these mortals even attempt to enter my realm."

"I'm not Mother Teresa. But I'm also not Charles Manson!"

"I really dig Hannibal. Hannibal had real guts. He rode elephants into Cartilage."

"I guess I'm gonna fade into Bolivian."

That's all for today. By the way, buy my lean, mean, fat reducing grillin machine! It now comes with a waffle maker as well as other great cooking tools! I SAID NO COOKIES, GEORGE NUMBER THREE!

People have told me that they think I'm crazy after reading my site. "I'm crazy!" I reply, "If you want crazy, you should read some of the crap that gets left in my guestbook." Then I usually put my pants back on and pay for my Slurpee.

December 16, 2005
Name: Lenny
E-mail: lenny@squiggys.com
Location: Milwaukee

Hey Leonardite,
If I were a dog and you were a flower I'd lift up my leg and give you a shower.

You can't find humor like this anywhere else, mostly because it doesn't pass as humor anywhere else.

December 13, 2005
Name: William Shatner

And I think it's gonna be a long long time till touchdown brings me back again to find I'm not the man they think I am at home oh no no no I'm a RRROCK! IT! MAN! Burning out this fuse out here alone!


December 12, 2005
Name: Gin and Tonic
Location: Taco Bell

How could you link to that fucking Chihuaua site? Really, even you are better than that. I no longer recant my soul-withering "avian flu" one-liner.

It's Sooooo cool

December 9, 2005
Name: BStains
Location: Moorhead

Leonardite, You've claimed all this time that you would die for me. Why then are you suprised when you hear your own eulogy?

Standing above the crowd, I had a voice that was strong loud. Swallowed my facade because you were so eager to identify with someone above the crowd...

December 7, 2005
Name: Clint Lindemann
E-mail: clintl@mlgc.com
Location: Enderlin

Hello ASS UMP,
This is the Ass Coach. Nice web site, I like your baseball cards. You have too much time on your hands.
Peace and chicken grease,

If I had too much time on my hands, we'd be eyeballs deep in Geoff Zahns and Bruce Bochtes. As it stands, I think it's a pretty paltry collection myself.

December 7, 2005
Name: Bills fan in TX

Great site...i pulled out the old NES and have been enjoying this great game!

Here is my old NES. I fed it a sandwich.

November 30, 2005
Name: The MCL
Location: Knoxville

My roommate had a dream that Hitler was president and that the can-can was the national dance, to which I replied "That's nothing; last night I had a nightmare in which I took a mind odyssey to Dollywood". Needless to say, those are the kinds of dreams that screw people up. But at least it was only a dream...please tell me it was only a dream Leonardite. You of all people should know.

How about the transformation of one of the people in the dream from normal-looking cool guy to 94-piercings American psycho? That was a legitimate nightmare.

November 17, 2005
Name: I'm a molar wisdom tooth

Most people don't believe this, but I sang "Ice Ice Baby" for the first Kidz Bop CD. I collect ninja turtles.

~ First of all, I want y'all to know that it took me like 3 MILLION YEARS to learn how to spell the actual word Chihuahua -- which made writing this article even harder -- so before I go to talking about the Chihuahua, I wanna be concieted -- I think I deserve some recognition.

November 15, 2005
Name: Kayla Lynn Chesley
E-mail: kayla.chesley@und.nodak.edu
Location: Grand Forks

This is supposed to be a love note. So i will give it a shot. We all know how much i love long legs. Not to mention, when i say long legs, i am referring to yours. Ahhh, what a joy it brings to me. Another thing that comes to mind is your radiating love that you give to me. It shines like the sunshine in the sky. And you to admit, that is pretty fucking bright. When the clouds are not hovering it that is...and when you are about..baby the clouds never get in the way. You are pretty much someone i cant live without. This is a known fact. All in all...YOU ROCK. Love you forever. Kayla!

In a way I almost like the "You suck, ultra fag" messages more than the ones where I get fawned over. At least in the former I can serve justice with a witty retort, whereas with these I usually end up saying "thanks" and hugging myself in front of a mirror.

November 15, 2005
Name: IceDiddy
Location: The Capital

Hey Lois, give Chris a break. I mean, no TV? So he failed a class, it's not like he felt up his cousin in the garage that Thanksgiving when I was nineteen.


November 14, 2005
Name: Regis

Is that your final answer?

Good to see you, 1999. Looking forward to the XFL's first game. I'm traveling there by Segway.

November 14, 2005
Name: BStains
Location: Moorhead

How dare you say that MCL. Leonardite and I have something very special together and no one, i mean no one will interfere with it.


November 13, 2005
Name: The MCL
Location: Jamestown

Because he is thinking of me BStains.


November 13, 2005
Name: BStains
Location: Moorhead

Leonardite, why do you close your eyes when we make love?


November 12, 2005
Name: In2DaBMage

Since it says this can be used for the discussion of Baseball Stars names,I think naming a Designated hitter "PNTLES" would be a somewhat cool idea.

PS:We want the Tecmo Season up again.

I appreciate this entry. Rather than lie to us all and say that it was an "awesome," "super," or "good" idea, our guest labels it as "somewhat cool." I like your style. We need different adjectives so as not to tarnish the images of truly awesome things. That guy jumping to near-fatality on Monday Night Football to catch a field goal? Awesome. Most of the entries in this book? Poor. This one? Somewhat cool.

November 10, 2005
Name: The MCL
Location: in disbelief

Well Leonardite, we've both sunk to new lows. Although to be fair I've sunk much farther.

Sheepdawg: if it's not true, forgive me. But if it is...what the hell?! Good luck with all of that.

We could both sink lower. I just saw a picture of a man in a stall, gazing with a look that is simply unwarranted, at an object that is even too repulsive for this guestbook. And if you research some of our previous subject matter, you will realize the enormity of that statement.

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