May 31, 2005|
You suck...no doubt about it...you suck!
I enjoy these hate messages a lot more when you dipshits make comments about my sexuality and the bizarre state in which you believe it exists. It still doesn't make my site any more popular, but at least I know that I have you thinking about my penis.
May 14, 2005
Name: professor g-spot
the generic white guy on the right side of every tecmo page is freaking me out.
Here's a picture of admitted child cannibal, Albert Fish. The freakiness level of a guy in a football helmet should now have been reduced by at least 35% if my Fright Reduction Emergency Handbook has its calculations up to date.
April 22, 2005
Name: Curious in Cogswell
Location: Cogswell, ND
Inspired by the recent success of Nike's "Air Denny" product line, the Chrysler corporation is rumored to be working on a new vehicle designed to capture the spirit and image of Phoenix coach Dennis Green. Tell me Leonardite, what do you think this vehicle will be named and what special features will it have so it can personify "Denny".
These beach ball posts for me to hit out of the park are like the always enjoyable "Hey Leonardite, say something funny" request. If you seriously want me to create humor, tell me in your most serious tone of voice that you take offense to one of my opinions. A subpar mastery of the English language will also be greatly effective in accomplishing your goal of squeezing a one-liner from my fingers.
April 22, 2005
Name: The MCL
Oh Sheep Dawg, I now see that when I left the hallowed halls of Kindred, the student population went to hell in a handbag. It's quite obvious (I've done the research) that Mr. Bonga's "record" is truly second for two reasons. One, when the Leonardite ran his 83 yard reception into the record books, the lines on the field were crooked, something any Kinnert alumni should know is all too common. It was probably closer to a 86 or 87 yard completion. Secondly, the Leonardite caught his pass from a quarterback that wasn't a fat ass. That alone should be grounds for at least an asterick next to the record, if not a full blown investigation into the matter. While the MILCO investigation would hurt the morale of the student body, when your sitting on bedrock, you can't go much lower anyway.
Ah, go easy on him. You'd be pretty scarred too if you had to drive a car that was defiled by a man named "Phantom."
April 21, 2005
Name: Sheep Dawg
Location: Paradise a.ka. Leonard
Mr. Leonardite, if that is your real name, I have two things to address with you.
#1 - You totally disregarded the MCL's comment about your 83 yard touchdown reception, which now ranks number two in Kindred High School Football history to Mr. Haberman's 85 yarder. This is more for the MCL, but it's your fault for not correcting it in the message below.
#2 - I may be mistaken on this, but I believe "Nasty" Brian Knobbs' Finisher, the PitStop, is the devastating manuever of taking his opponent's face and ramming it into his armpit. I may be mistaken, or you may have already known this and failed to put it in his biography.
I'm not positive, but a Leonardite's guess is better than anybody else's guess, therefore I'm assuming I'm right.
The 83-yard display of dominance may now rank #2 in the record books, but it is still number one in every fan's heart so I think his comment is still accurate.
And I find it disturbing, amazing, and awesome that mere minutes after posting all of my knowledge about Brian Knobbs, there's already an entry in the guestbook from a Leonardite who knows even more.
April 15, 2005
Name: The MCL
Location: eulogizing our dear friend
Ladies and Gentlemen...The Leonardite...well, he's dead. After weeks of silence from him, it's safe to say that he has gone home to the stick. He is survived by his Nintendo, Monte Carlo, and Kindred High School record for longest Touch Down reception in school history. Truly, he was a giant among...shorter giants. Rest easy dear Leonardite...
I hate neglecting you guys because you people clearly have no obligation to keep coming back and yet you do. But sometimes when I have to weigh priorities, I usually have to give precedence to the people that have a bearing on my academic and financial future rather than those that send me Tecmo Super Bowl cartoons.
April 4, 2005
As a Viking football coach (Kindred or Minnesota...doesn't matter) who would you take with the #7 pick in the upcoming NFL draft. Assuming that Paul Schmidt does not declare for the draft. Obviously his combination of size and speed is unnatural.
I could spend hours scouring the draft books or Mel Kiper's hair to find the next big star, but that would be a big waste of everyone's time. If Air Bud has left any indelible mark on athletic rulebooks - and it has - I would select a biologically produced mastodon from the science department at Northwestern University.
March 31, 2005
Name: The MCL
Leonardite, I liked the article on steroids and baseball. However, everyone, including yourself, has overlooked the gravest concerns of steroid abuse: 95% of current baseball players' genitals are so withered and useless that no progeny can ever spring forth from their loins again. I forsee the likes of Jacob Beto being the future "stars" of baseball. Leonardite, say it aint so...
Going solely on some of his prior nicknames, I'd say it's doubtful that the Tornado will be reproducing any time soon either.
March 31, 2005
Name: Ivy Roe
Location: J-Diddy's dreams
Hi Leonardite. I was just using your forum to ask for the Iceman's hand in marriage. I love you John!
Apparently you've gotten Neil Roesler's website confused with Neil Clark Warren's website. While on the surface our pages may appear to be largely similar, his goal of "Bringing couples together for love" slightly deviates from my operations which consist mostly of making fun of people like Neil Clark Warren and pointing out exciting ways for my visitors to have fun with origami.
*Editor's Note* Flimflammer...!
March 28, 2005
Name: J Diddy
Location: B-Town The Capital
It is true. There is nothing larger than a laaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgggggge frosty. That is all.
March 21, 2005
Name: The MCL
All right Leonardite. We all get that you're on a spring break bender of mass proportions, but there's still the issue of the website. It might be high time to hire 1000 monkeys typing on 1000 type-writers to take your stead untill you can see strait again. You've created something larger than all of us now...even sweaty Teddy Johnson himself.
March 21, 2005
Name: David Fulcher
Absolutely love your website, man, and what you have going here on the Tecmo homepage especially! Keep up the good work...I'm sure you get this message from quite a few people, as I can see from the guestbook, but who can wait? We need more updates! I want to see how this season plays out, especially since I haven't had the ability to play emulated Tecmo in over a year now. Well, actually, that's a lie. I have had the ability, just not the time. Yeah, it's rough when you don't even have time to play the greatest football game of all time anymore. Anyways, here's hoping for a simulated season in which those Dolphins actually dethrone those Bison Beasts from the East!
In the future, when webmasters replace rock stars and athletes as America's heroes, I look forward to being featured on G4TV's "Behind the HTML."
Reporter: "So, Leonardite, when did you realize you were starting to become a big deal?"
Leonardite: "When e-mails and guestbook entries started pouring in after I skipped a week of simulated Nintendo football, I had a pretty good idea. I guess I'd also have to give credit to the time those death row inmates shaved my URL into their prison bitch's back hair in Mississippi. A guy can't buy that kind of advertising."
March 19, 2005
Name: Will killer
what the hell is going on in this guest book? P.S. why hasn't tecmo season been updated? I'm waiting feverishly!
A lesson for today's brave new world: Anything that can be spammed will. This includes guestbooks. Of course the spamming messages and links are so confusing and foreign that the dosage of narcotics you would have to take in order to understand them would likely be lethal to most earth mammals. However, I would like to bring out the official Leonardite.com spam response for this occasion:
"Nice site. Really enjoy the web hit plunge annoying. +++ Seen site my beautiful things? Go forward yourself sex mightily. Dirigible fester muchly so."
March 16, 2005
Name: The MCL
Location: down home
Hey Leonardite. How do you like your Bar-B-Que: Dry rub or wet?
March 16, 2005
I dont know all that but I do know that hell will freeze over before Oakland makes the elite 8.
Guest Webpage Response:
Courtesy: Backstreet Boys and Mariah Carey R and B Web Page
For you BSB-Haters, you may want to know that I have the power to edit your comments, so it could end up looking like you LOVE the Backstreet Boys. Insulters BEWARE..I have the POWER! Also should you decide to enter the chat, I warn you that BSB fans will be on you so fast, you won't believe it. Faster than bees to honey!!! You have been warned!!
March 15, 2005
Name: The Other Leonardite
Location: God's Country, Leonard
Mr. Leonardite, with your knowledge of college basketball, winning the annual kindred bracket tournament as a senior, who do you forsee in the Final Four and who do you see winning the whole thing?
And a more important question, am I retarted for picking Oakland, not not California, it's in Michigan, to make the Elite 8?
Please, enlighten me.
Honestly, I don't really care about all the money bracket hoopla that much anymore. Sure, I dominated the annual KHS tourney in '02, but it's what you do with the winnings that's important. Is putting Oakland into the Elite 8 crazy? Perhaps. But I'd call you downright insane if you didn't start a school-wide sportsbook with your winnings, should you of course take home that Dots box crammed with five dollar bills.
Even if you don't, there are very few things I've done in my life that were more satisfying than collecting illicit wager sheets in school every morning and profiting like a Rockefeller in the process. This behavior gets my highest recommendation.
March 9, 2005
Name: Simon Belmont
Did Jim McMahon commemorate his Week 4 start with a "Frankie Says Relax" headband?
No, but he did wear a smoked visor which counts for a lot in my book.
In my Week 1 indoor flag football season a few weeks ago we got totally jobbed out of the game by a lazy referee who wanted to go home rather than maintain the integrity of such an important contest. I didn't let him get away with it, though. Sure, I didn't get the call overturned, but that 20 year-old kid getting paid nothing to watch us play football for three hours deserved to be told he was "full of shit" ten times, among other scathingly true beratings. I was heroic enough that I had members of the other team holding me back. It was a proud moment. I wish my Mom had been there to see it.
February 27, 2005
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
Hello, and this is a nice site you've got here.
I was quite saddened the other day to hear of the death of Reggie Roby. I have many good memories of playing Tecmo and just absolutely booming kicks with him. He was a pretty good punter in real life, too, and also was a good person. He'll be missed.
Black punters are about as rare as white halfbacks, and black punters who wear wristwatches during the game are about as rare as Mongolian ICBM strikes.
I was pretty sad to hear this news. You knew it was important when, upon reading the news, I immediately called a buddy to inform him. And you knew it was REALLY sad news when he put a gun to his head after I told him and joined Roby in drop kick heaven. His family blamed me for his untimely suicide until I informed them of the Roby situation, upon which they bought me a cake to say they were sorry. That was nice of them.
February 25, 2005
Location: Schmittys_Davenport, ND
So the arguement about trading Randy Moss seems to have reached a stalemate.
some say Vikes should keep him, others say trade him. some feel throwing in the rights to Jim Plunkett and the Vikes would've walked away laughing.
This bickering is getting to me. I mean arguing is like running the Special Olympics....even if you win, you're still retarded right? no offense to Corky Thatcher. he had downs syndrome and was not retarded.
I can't even try and be wittier than this line: "no offense to Corky Thatcher. he had downs syndrome and was not retarded." so I'm not going to even try.
But I will say that I am quite familiar with Schmitty's House of Dead Deer in Davenport and I have never seen you there. Although, I guess it's possible that somehow you were able camoflauge yourself amidst 1,200 severed deer heads.
February 18, 2005
Name: The MCL
Location: dorm room
I love Hawaii. Such a beautiful state and chain of islands. There is one thing I don't love however. That is the Pro Bowl. Seriously, why even have it. No one cares, be it the players, fans, or the coaches. I forgot when the game even was this year. Leonardite, it's high time you came up with a better concept to honor the games finest.
Like an NBA player reading a Dr. Seuss book, I have struggled with this tricky piece of material. I think I have finally come up with an answer, however.
We see players get hurt all the time in relation to the mini-games around the Pro Bowl. Several players pulled out of this year's game thanks to these festivities, Robert Edwards essentially had to retire after an injury in sand football, and none of us will ever forget Terrell Davis's career-ending incident when Gilbert Brown ate him at a luau.
What we need is real competition. The football game itself is a no-contact borefest, so let's bring in the real full contact game that tests the mettle of any true man: Musical chairs. Pick the top 30 players, sign contracts with hot musical stars to promote their songs during the game, and put 29 chairs out at midfield. We play until one man is left standing, in which case he will enter the next NFL season with "Musical Hercules" emblazoned on his back, XFL-style.