February 9, 2005|
I actually dated the FCB exec who developed the "Coldest Tasting Beer" campaign for Coors Light. Your Microscope article on Coors Light advertising made my day. You are genuinely funny and creative, and therefore have no chance of working on a Coors campaign.
This whole website thing, with pages on Von Kaiser, Bake McBride's baseball card, and letters from ten year-olds to SI For Kids?
It's all for the chicks, man, it's all for the chicks.
February 7, 2005
"how's it goin?"
I'm tired of being asked, "how's it going?" people don't care. If you tell them you're wasting your time and theirs.
In this age of selfishness my canned response to this question is: "my nuts are not on fire"
translation? "It's going great, if my nuts were on fire I couldnt think of anything worse"
at the time of this writing my nuts--indeed--are not on fire. and thanks for asking
I'm with you, because I think it's just plain rude. If you want to know information about me, then I think you should give some information about yourself first. An example would be, "Hey, I've got ringworm on my inner thigh right now. Would you like to see it?"
If he asked the question before telling me the specifics of the infection, I'd be well within my rights to spit on him. But if my fictional questioner posed the exchange the way I wrote it above, it would be really impolite of me if I didn't have him pull down his shorts and let me examine the fungus.
February 1, 2005
Name: Mr. Magookey
Location: Dickville ND
How is everything. I have nothing to do so i thought i would say hi. I will give you a ring when i come back to F-town. Keep up the good work.
Miss u Budawiga
I haven't heard of any suicide reports from out west yet, which is a big relief. My 1945 Patriots hat and I look forward to your return. Keep on truckin', superstar.
January 26, 2005
Name: The MCL E-mail: email@example.com
Location: The virtual gridiron
EA has signed an exclusivity deal with the NFL. ESPN is jumping ship to EA after next year. Sega sports has been sold. Some see this as a good thing due to the combined and focused forces of all three. Others see it as a sign of the end times. Me...I think the time is ripe for Tecmo to rise from it's ashes and return to it's proper throne. Your thoughts Leonardite...
This is an age-old conundrum and it plays on our love of the past. While Tecmo Super Bowl 1991 gets the Presidential Seal for Total Awesomeness, I doubt 2005's version would match up.
Bringing Tecmo back into the fold reminds me of what wrestling promoters do all the time when the ratings sag. "Hell, Ric Flair versus Hulk Hogan worked 12 years ago, let's do it again!" And all of us idiots go, "Sweet, Flair vs. Hogan! It'll be just like the old days!" Then when you fork over the money, you realize that all you did was pay to remind yourself that these two geriatric parts of your childhood haven't yet died, but just might if the Figure Four gets locked on a little tighter. When what you are searching for is something that was great ten years ago, it's usually best to pick up an old tape or dig deep in your memory to find what you are looking for.
In the midst of that rambling I'm hoping is a coherent point about the fact that unless Tecmo can produce the next game in 4-D, I think they should probably just stick to their 2-D throne.
All that said, would I buy the new game? Of course. Would I buy Scott Hall vs. Sting in a steel cage? Absolutely. Capitalism didn't flourish in this country because of dumb luck. Dumb money management, that's another story.
January 25, 2005
Name: Leon Phelps
Location: Middle of nowhere
Leonardite - you are my hero. That's about all I have. I must say I am throughly impressed your hard coded site. Very retro. Nice. Thanks for the photo.
Much luv yo,
Taking the time to put out original, creative, and personally-coded web pages makes me a hero these days. You all could be heroes too if you spent more time thinking about what you were going to write and less time worrying about finding the right L.A. Guns CD to put in your "Currently Listening To:" blog categories.
January 24, 2005
Name: The Other Leonardite
Location: The Promise Land
Happy B-Day sir Leonardite. Enjoy it thoroughly.
Thanks for the warm greeting, but I'm blaming my week-long haze and excruciating headache solely on your instructions for thorough enjoyment.
January 18, 2005
Name: Canada blows
We send Canada homosexual couples, they send us relocating professional hockey teams. I like that trade. We are very fortunate to have them as neighbors.
"Hacksaw" Jim Duggan:
January 17, 2005
I'll tell you why Canadians disrespect the U.S. It is because the U.S. is a piece of shit; always meddling in other's affairs. By the way your site is about as gay as the U.S. citizen's fleeing across the border to our country in order to marry, ya' hoser.
Vice President Cheney:
He's got us, Leonardite. There's nothing left to do but spill the truth. The United States was, not regrettably, responsible for the recent tsunami "disaster" in the Indian Ocean. The "earthquake" that shook the planet was the mass detonation of a giant tank containing 100,000 starving African children on the seafloor. The explosion also caused satisfactory damage to the South Asian region, although we wish we had leveled a few more rainforests in the process.
January 15, 2005
Name: The MCL
Gutentag Leonardite. I hope college is treating you well. Let's get down to the brass tacks. What's your take on the recent vote for an addition to Kindred school. For, against, undecided, or maybe you just don't care. Granted, it really doesn't effect either of us, but all the same. Talk to you later.
I cast my vote for the addition both times the election was held. In addition to not being very spacious, 85% of the rooms I had classes in in high school weren't very safe. Instead of the mapped route to safety you usually see, the "In-Case-of-Fire" signs in these rooms all read, "Better start praying, dead man." Even that didn't matter much, since most kids were packed so tightly shoulder-to-shoulder that figuring out where your next breath of oxygen was going to come from was a lot more important than learning how to read.
January 10, 2005
Name: Dennis Green
Location: High Road
If Randy Moss was a contestant on Jeopardy and the Final Jeopardy answer was, "A classy and respectable move", what would Randy guess is the question? (Let's assume that in Double Jeopardy, one of the categories was "Ass cappin' hos and the pimp doggs who love them". Randy sweeps this category and finishes with positive money, allowing him to compete in Final Jeopardy.)
This obviously posed in response to the faux-moon we saw at Lambeau Field in the playoffs. Would anybody have honestly been shocked if he had actually pulled his pants down? With the heart attack half the nation had anyway, he might as well have gone all the way. Then again, it's a horrible, labor-intensive project to have to readjust your girdle so he probably was just acting in a time-efficient manner for the fans, which was thoughtful of him.
January 7, 2005
Well Leonardite how was your Holiday season? I guess I'll get to the point. I feel hollow inside. This is the first Christmas in three years I've not been able to watch Vanessa Williams on VH1s "A Very Diva Christmas". Dont' these people realize it belongs on the same rotation as "It's a wonderful life" "Miracle on 34th Streer" "Scrooged" and "NationalLampoons Vacation Christmas" classics each and everyone of them.
maybe I'm wrong but I think it's all racial.
Greetings Duck. I don't know about anyone but you and me, but there's nothing I look forward to more than a group of seven or so past-their-prime women who have had at least seven cosmetic surgeries and haven't sang one of their own songs since their elementary school Christmas pageant. This might be a racist type of thing, but they usually go out of their way to include every race except for those people deep in the Amazon because their lack of clothing will bring an FCC violation, so it's hard to fathom which group of people would have forced it from the air.
In regards to your friend's skepticism over the World's Strongest Man, I'm not sure exactly what to tell you, but I know when the mid-nineties group of greats from Iceland (considered their "Greatest Generation") retired, doctors found their testicles had retracted so far into their bodies that they were permanently stored under their tongue. I've never been to Iceland, so this might just be a regionally-specific feature of their anatomy.
December 18, 2004
Location: Oakes,ND it's Irrigation Days!
Okay Leonradite my buddy tells me that those guy's on the ESPN2 Strongest Man competition are using steriods. I'm in shock. In the immortal words of Hall and Oats "say it isn't so". Please Leonardite....tell me my friend is wrong and these guy's are clean.
December 16, 2004
Jim Jensen (back-up TE for the Tecmo Super Bowl Dolphins) isn't completely useless. I was playing a season as Miami, and Ferrell got injured. I soon learned that the right+B play was awesome for Jensen. Even if the computer picked the play, I'd just change to Jensen and pass it for an 11 yard gain. Worked every time.
December 9, 2004
Name: Marv Bossart
Location: Sand Dune Saloon, McCloud
On his radio show this morning, Ed Schultz had this to say: "The Leonardite is a trash eating stink-bag". What did you do to make him lash out at you? Did you mention the dog shooting incident?
I was at the local Barnes & Noble where Ed was signing and peddling his new book. I made mention that I wanted him to sign the book he penned earlier in his career and apparently he's ashamed of it for some reason.
December 8, 2004
Name: The MCL
Question; Why do some porn movies have condoms? To me, it's like wearing sunscreen to the beach at night. You've got the right place and the protection, just wrong situation. Divulge your knowledge, oh powerful Leonardite, and I shall tell where the sugar plumb fairy lives.
I'm not sure why this situation occurs. It seems about as misplaced as asking the guy who publishes detailed descriptions of NES football players for advice about life.
December 6, 2004
Location: Moorhead, MN
Man, this is pretty cool. Mr. Hoff, I'm glad you told me about this and Leonardite, as for you, job well done my man. I still regret playing in your little tecmo super bowl league, your senior year. I dont remember what team I was but it was probably a really rotten team. Bucs, Im pretty sure. Anyways, Im gonna have to check this out everytime Im online. Later.
I can't imagine anybody regretting being in any Tecmo league, regardless of how bad of a team we stuck you with. I was on a collision course for the Super Bowl that year, too, until Aerosmith and their fans derailed the entire season. But honestly, good to hear from you. Hopefully I'll bump into you over Christmas or sometime soon. Good luck this winter.
December 4, 2004
Name: The Miller Crap List
Location: Jimtown ND
Wow. I knew the Leonardite was powerful, but who knew he would grow to such immense proportions. Me and the Iceman are here in the dorm room reminiscing about the good old days. Football. Games. Ted Johnsonís crap list. One eye. Wait, scratch the last one. Anywho, almost crapped my pants when I heard of this. Keep up the good work. I now have a new home page. D-E-N-V-E-R.
Honorary member of Leonard
This message gave me as much warmth as peeing my pants without the messy cleanup.
December 4, 2004
Name: THE Ice Man
Location: University of Mary
I was just wondering how many times it takes a person to eat a LARGE frosty, scream spring break and announce a football game all at once. Please mist me with your intelligence.
December 3, 2004
E-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org Location: Enderlin Centennial...done? oh
Ah Leonardite...so tell me your thoughts on the smoking ban? To me it's like marking half the pool non peeing, And the other peeing. does it really make any difference? oh by the way still can't believe the Enderlin Centennial is over already. It seems like it just began.
I think people need more to worry about than smoking bans and whatnot. While a select few get up in arms on TV about their health and their supposed caring of it, the rest of society just shrugs and says "eh, whatever." Kind like those guys who shot all those deer in Valley City. It might have been illegal, but Joe Q. Public couldn't care less since anybody who has to butcher all of those has already received a terrible self-imposed punishment.
December 2, 2004
Name: Mr. Magookey
Location: Dickville ND
HI MR LEONARDITE
When this man cracks his back, it sounds like one of those novelty 1,000 round Black Cat strings they sell in early July.