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Scott Norwood

Scott Norwood missed a kick in the Super Bowl. That doesn't make him less of a person. What makes him less of a person is the fact that his father was a futuristic cyborg whose special power was missing clutch kicks. Not exactly X-Men material, but still better than YOU can do.

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Harry Galbreath

As one of the brave men who has to stand blindly in front of Dan Marino's deadly laser-like bombs, Harry Galbreath is an underappreciated gentleman deserving of our respect. Of course, a lot of people deserve respect but don't get it, so what makes Galbreath so special? He's a video game lineman. If there's anything cooler than that out there, I'm afraid I'm not hip enough to handle it.

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Pat Beach

A former ally of mine, I severed diplomatic ties with Pat Beach not all that long ago. It was a kinship that could have led to some great stories and a killer treehouse, but Pat decided one day to stab me in the back. It was reminiscient of Marcus Brutus betraying Julius Caesar, except with less blood and more Nintendos.

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Dennis Byrd

If you're looking for a role model, this is your guy. The utter hopelessness of his situation, the pain that he daily endured, and the optimism that one day his personal hell would end are sure to inspire even the most skeptical person. But enough about his Jets career.

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Steve Grogan

From the mortar shot to his insane maximum speed, Steve Grogan is the epitome of everything that the Tecmo Patriots stand for: Unabashed sucking.

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