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 Real Life Career: Scott Norwood played the part of Bills kicker from 1985-1991. His career ended right at the beginning of their run of four straight Super Bowl losses and many might say that the run started BECAUSE of Norwood. Scott's career stats can be found here (You will not leave this page if you click the link): Based on his career stats, it appears that Scotty wasn't such a bad ballplayer after all. Hitting field goals at 72.3% isn't going to win any career awards, but it's not going to get you laughed out of the league either. THIS is what gets you laughed out of the league:  Scotty only survived one year after his legendary shank before being shown the door by the Bills. This marked the end of Norwood's NFL career. Tecmo Career: Scientists from the aging institute of New Guinea have long been studying the phenomen of Tecmo players who can miraculously continue to play forever without ever seeming to age. While real-life Scott said "sayonarra" to the NFL quite some time ago, Tecmo Scott has an eternal spot with his Bills. These same scientists are attributing these youthful measures to either a high-fiber diet, the fountain of youth long sought by Ponce de Leon, or to the fact that they are composed of ones and zeroes. No matter what, it is truly a remarkable feat........I think.
The difference between Tecmo Norwood and his real self is the fact that he is an efficient kicker on the game. What separates Tecmo Scott from real Scott even more is that he is inexplicably the fastest character on the game. Yes, that is correct, "Wide Right Scott" is the fastest guy on the game. For those of you that missed my Buffalo Bills team profile, Norwood is insanely fast when he picks up a blocked kick. You can almost see the field being burned up by his devilishly quick feet. Defenders like Mike Singletary are left choking on his dust and defenders like Lawrence Taylor are left choking on their own cocaine residue. No matter how you want to look at it, Norwood is remarkably swift. This certainly helps to make up for real life Scott's famous miss. It also only helps to solidify the legend of the guy who, let's face it, is the crown jewel of the Buffalo Bills. Sure, they have QB Bills and Bruce Smith, but people don't launch into hysterics when they see their names. I have seen this happen with Scotty, however. So if you are the Bills (and naturally have the game's love behind you), then line up for a kick, let it get blocked, and let Norwood dash to paydirt. It's sweet justice for this mediocre kicker who in real life just couldn't get a break........or a real face mask. Attributes:  The attributes on Tecmo were always a fuzzy stat for even the biggest fans, so I have taken it upon myself to clear up this mess as it relates to Norwood. Running Speed- 56 If my memory serves me correctly, no Tecmo player dips below fifty very often when it comes to running speed. This means, that Norwood's speed of 56 would be comparable to a pregnant woman, a high-altitude crane, or a woman pregnant with a high-altitude crane.
Luckily for Scott, the rushing power attribute was tested at the local carnival. Eager to win a stuffed toy for his significant other, Norwood ran full blast into the scale and registered a six. Feeling sorry for him, the carnie claimed "The machine is broken (wink, wink)" and recorded an eighty-one. Norwood then thanked him and the carnie stole his wallet. Maximum Speed- 81 I am guessing that this is the overdrive gear that Norwood hits when he picks up the blocked kick. What the programmers fail to tell you is that 81 is merely part of the equation: You need to take his max. speed times his running speed, multiplied by the mass of Ted Koppel's toupee`, raised to the "n"th power, where n is the weight of William "Refrigerator" Perry. I'd do the math for you, but I keep hearing that Americans aren't educated enough so do your own damn homework, slackers. Hitting Power- 31 Tecmo experts refer to a score of 31 on hitting power as the "Sajak value." Like on Wheel of Fortune when they give even the worst boneheads $500 when they leave, so too, does Tecmo give the weakest kickers a 31 to make them happy. Kicking Ability- 44 This actually is supposed to be a 100, except for the fact that clutch kicking gets factored into the equation and consequently flatlines Norwood's score. Avoid Kick Block- 44 Apparently the game paid itself off in a show of undying admiration for the Bills and gave Norwood a 44. We all know from how many Norwood kicks have been blocked over the years that this is closer to 94. The game always cheats for the Bills, get used to it. |
