I've got you Babe...da da da...I've got you Babe
The XBox 360 launched last night and I would have to admit that the graphics are astounding. Drew Brees moves in a more fluid way than his real life counterpart ever could, the Vikings players look frighteningly human as they copulate on their pontoons, and even Terrell Owens is animated really well playing XBox 360 in his basement. But give me Tecmo, where the flapping arms of a touchdown-scoring Earnest Byner give me more pleasure than the grimaces on the faces of the 360 Lions crowd ever could.
Chicago (7-7) vs. Tampa Bay (3-11)
The Bears did their best to try and salvage their playoff chances with this win. But they might be in for a rude awakening next week as there is perhaps a slight difference in "talent" and "overall ability" between the 3-11 Buccaneers and the Week 17 San Francisco 49ers.
Final Score: Chicago-28 Tampa Bay-17
Kansas City (8-6) vs. San Francisco (11-3)
Joe Montana was back and the 49ers did their best routine of flinging the ball to Jerry Rice in impossible coverage. But it was the Chiefs and the equally proficient Steve DeBerg who found a way to eek out an overtime win and secure a huge victory in the AFC West.
Final Score: Kansas City-30 San Francisco-27 (OT)
New England (2-12) vs. New York Jets (7-7)
The Jets were the beneficiaries of both 153 Freeman McNeil yards and a late season date with the Patriots as they kept their playoff hopes above water with an important win.
Final Score: New York-35 New England-24
Cleveland (6-8) vs. Houston (9-5)
Fresh on the heels of their backing-into-the-title performance of Week 15, the Houston players showed up drunk and disheveled and lost to an inferior Cleveland team in front of 500 disinterested fans.
Final Score: Cleveland-31 Houston-17
Buffalo (12-2) vs. Indianapolis (1-13)
Somewhere in Zanzibar there is a guy whose life depended on the Bills not winning the AFC East. And when he looked on the upcoming schedule and saw that they had Indianapolis, a team that hasn't won since playing New England in Week 1, that guy fed himself to an alligator before his captors had the chance.
Final Score: Buffalo-24 Indianapolis-13
Los Angeles Rams (8-6) vs. Minnesota (6-8)
Jim Everett (Chris) gave the ball away four times via the interception as the Rams squandered a chance to solidify their playoff hopes against the very mediocre Vikings.
Final Score: Minnesota-34 Los Angeles-28
Los Angeles Raiders (6-8) vs. New Orleans (7-7)
After leaving a note in the Leonardite.com guestbook, Jay Schroeder went onto the field to complete 80% of his passes and be the direct cause of the second huge disappointing loss of the week in the NFC West.
Final Score: Los Angeles-31 New Orleans-28
Miami (10-4) vs. San Diego (5-9)
With a playoff spot already locked up and no hope of winning the AFC East, the Dolphins put up absolutely no effort in this game. Luckily for them, effort is not a prequisite for defeating the Chargers.
Final Score: Miami-16 San Diego-7
New York Giants (11-3) vs. Washington (8-6)
The surging Redskins were not able to overcome the first quarter loss of Earnest Byner as the Giants used a Matt Bahr overtime field goal to claim the game and the NFC East throne. I mean "throne" in a king's chair sense, not as a slang term for toilet. As we all know, Phoenix is in firm possession of that already.
Final Score: New York-24 Washington-21 (OT)
Cincinnati (6-8) vs. Pittsburgh (6-8)
This was the first completely meaningless game of the week. You don't care about it.
Final Score: Cincinnati-28 Pittsburgh-10
Denver (8-6) vs. Phoenix (4-10)
Elway went nuts in this game, completing 75% of his passes for 360 yards as the Broncos kicked the shit out of the Cardinals to keep pace with Kansas City. Vance Johnson also added 6 catches for 191 yards, but favorite memory of him was when he said that the Venus de Milo had better hands the Qadry Ismail. I'm still not sure if he was being sarcastic or not.
Final Score: Denver-34 Phoenix-3
Detroit (5-9) vs. Green Bay (9-6)
The Packers put up the always-popular Tecmo score of 15 in the fourth quarter to lock up the NFC Central for the men of Wisconsin.
Final Score: Green Bay-29 Detroit-27
Atlanta (6-8) vs. Seattle (7-7)
Unlike the Falcons, the birds of Seattle are unwilling to pack away their playoff hopes. But like the Falcons, the Seahawks still have absolutely no chance of winning the Super Bowl or being anybody's favorite Tecmo team.
Final Score: Seattle-17 Atlanta-14
Player of the Week
They needed a win to keep pace with the Chiefs and the man with oversized teeth delivered for the Broncos when it counted.
Craig Heyward- NO
Warren Williams- PIT
Earnest Byner- WAS
Mike Rozier- ATL (Week 15)
James Brooks- CIN (Week 15)
Marvin Allen- NE (Week 15)
Herschel Walker- MIN (Week 13)
Anthony Toney- PHI (Week 14)
Wendell Davis- CHI (Week 14)
Joe Montana- SF (Week 14)
Keith Byars- PHI (Week 13)
Coming next week...
- Week 17 results
- Player of the Week
-Game of the Week: Los Angeles Rams vs. Seattle