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 First Quarter Keith Byars and Anthony Toney both come hurtling out of the hospital, but it is the Cowboys who will be starting on their own eight yard line. Cowboys Drive #1 Nutsack flips the ball to Kelvin Martin on first down, picking up a quick eight yards. Those eight yards are immediately given back on a Reggie White sack, although my prayers for an Aikman injury go unanswered. Aikman and Nutsack do hook up on third down, though, and bring the ball out to the 30 yard line. The Cowboys then learn the logical result of running the Martin reverse twice in three plays: An Anglo Saxon punt kick.
After an incompletion and a two yard "welcome back to the NFL, now you'll get served" loss by Keith Byars, nobody completes a pass to Byars who scampers fourteen yards for a first down. On second and nine....NOONAN! The candy bar coughs up the ball and Caddyshack's finest picks it up on the Eagles' 40, in the process executing the first pivotal play of this game. Cowboys Drive #2 Emmitt picks up seven on first down as the quarter expires. End of 1st Quarter: Dallas-0, Philadelphia-0 Second Quarter Cowboys Drive #2 (Continued)
Eagles Drive #2 Starting from the twenty after a touchback, the ball teleports to the 25 and then fumbles itself out of bounds. The ball follows that up by slinging its body to Kenny Jackson who carries it across midfield to the Cowboys' 45. Sherman and his caramelly goodness haul in a mysterious pass and the Eagles are in business at the nine-yard line. On second and goal, Keith Byars executes one of the craftiest CPU runs I have seen in a long time, as he bobs and weaves and then finally stretches the ball across the plane for the game's first TD. 7-0, Philadelphia Cowboys Drive #3 Operating from their own 42 with just a shade under 2:00 to go, Emmitt Smith plows the Cowboys into Eagles territory with a nice nine yard run. But as has been the story of the game, Reggie White is quick to pounce with another quick sack and the Cowboys look screwed once again. The Cowboys naturally try to remedy their problems with the Martin reverse, but it actually works this time and the Cowboys have the ball at the Philly 43 with 1:04 to play in the half. Nutsack and Aikman connect after an initial five yard loss and the Cowboys are 31 yards from a TD, but more likely 41 from a field goal. After the ball-carrying scrotum picks up ten more, Ken Willis caroms the ball off of the upright and in for Dallas's first points. 7-3, Philadelphia End of 2nd Quarter: Philadelphia-7, Dallas-3 Halftime There wasn't much scoring in the first half, but with a halftime show that featured only the winking chick, the kickline babes, the panty shot, and the flexing bosomy sports bra vixen, you have to think someone got lucky during intermission. 3rd Quarter Eagles Drive #3 On third and thirteen from its own forty, absolutely nothing invisibly flies down the field to bring the ball to the Cowboys' thirty. The ultra-intelligent football then stands in the face of a ferocious blitz on 3rd and 5 and threads the needle to Calvin Williams for a huge first down. The drive would stall three plays later, however, and Roger Ruzek would be called on to bail out the Eagle offense. 10-3, Philadelphia Cowboys Drive #4
10-10 Eagles Drive #4 The Eagles squander a fantastic return by Kenny Jackson when the ball gives itself to James Washington on first down via an interception. Cowboys Drive #5 Mike Golic steals a sack opportunity from Reggie White on first down and another five yard loss via the Martin reverse on second down has the Cowboys in a deep hole as they head into the final quarter. End of 3rd Quarter: Dallas-10, Philadelphia-10 4th Quarter Cowboys Drive #5 (Continued)
Eagles Drive #5 Nobody redeems nothing by completing the ball to Fred Barnett and bringing the pigskin down to the Dallas eight yard line. Digging in, the Cowboys play some roughneck defense. Most people would call their style of defending "hard-nosed" but me? Roughneck, shooter, roughneck. After stopping Byars on the one on second down, they apocalypse blitz the invisible lead and swarm under thin air for a loss to force another Ruzek kick. 13-10, Philadelphia Cowboys Drive #6 With 2:19 left and starting from their own forty, the Cowboys run the Martin reverse which is an unqualified failure in playcalling. But the two yard gain that resulted is an unqualified success for that particular play. In the face of intense pressure, Aikman dumps the ball to Nutsack who runs downfield and stretches the ball just far enough to get into Philly territory AND pick up a huge first down. Jerome Brown then records his first sack for a two-yard loss and then the Cowboys go back to the fucking Martin play AGAIN and lose another six. After an incompletion and facing 4th and 18.......... SweetAikman completes a pass to Emmitt Smith who is on the run and the only question left is whether he will run all the way to the end zone or get caught to set up a game-tying field goal. Instead, he gets dragged down from behind at the eleven, AND FUMBLES THE FOOTBALL!!!!!!!!!!!! If that weren't bizarre enough, the eight Eagles on the scene exercise their dramatic license by allowing the rest of the Dallas team to come and help kick the ball around. So the scene now is about twenty dipshits from both teams booting the ball around the field for a good twenty seconds, which coincidentally is all that is left on the clock, before Jerome Brown picks it up, tells one Cowboys to fuck off by popcorning him ten yards, and then surrenders to the turf and the sweet embrace of victory. Closing Thought Unbelievable. I can't believe the way this game ended. My player of the game is whatever Eagle it was that stripped the ball from Emmitt Smith. I cannot believe that happened.   ...The Play....   |
