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 First Quarter Marc Logan brought the kickoff back to his own 22, where the Dolphins took over for the first possession of the game. Dolphins Drive #1
Then the Dolphins showed that they most definitely have testicles and that they most definitely are large when they ran three straight dives at Bob. Bob was triple teamed by everyone, including the infamous Harry Galbreath, and the Dolphins drove the ball down to the ten. Following a Smith run around the end, Paige once again coughed the ball up going through the middle, but Sammie Smith bailed him out and recovered it on the three. The Paige dive on second and goal was swarmed under by a Green Bay banzai blitz and ANOTHER Paige dive on 3rd down was ruined when Bob Nelson flexed his muscles and destroyed the fullback. As Pete Stoyanavich was trotting onto the field, Bob was screaming at the Dolphins "You can't fuck with this runaway freight train of dominance." There was no need: The Dolphins already knew it and were frightened. 3-0, Miami Packers Drive #1 The Packers started the drive with a quick pass and run to pick up a first down, then decided to go with the near-interception/shitty draw combination. But they were just teasing the Dolphins, because they came right back with the ultimate kick to the balls, a 20-yard scramble by Don Majkowski for another first down. End of 1st Quarter: Miami-3 Green Bay-0 Second Quarter Packers Drive #1 (Continued)
Dolphins Drive #2 The Packers' defensive staff didn't fully realize the drawbacks of pass rushing eleven men on first down, but they probably have a better idea after Mark Duper hauled in a 48-yard touchdown pass. 10-0, Miami Packers Drive #2 The Packers came out with another terrible two plays to put themselves in a 3rd and long hole, but Majkowski hooked up with Michael Haddix who craftily avoided defenders by running so slowly that they came diving by too fast to touch him. On the subsequent first down, the newly mobile Don Majkowski screamed twenty yards into the end zone and will no doubt lead the team in rushing yards today. 10-7, Miami Dolphins Drive #3
End of 2nd Quarter: Miami-10, Green Bay-7 Halftime The hot blonde cheerleader with the touchdown pose winked at me, followed by the kickline girls, and the irresistable panty shot. It's been an embarassment of panty shot riches here lately and I am definitely not complaining. The chick showing off in the sports bra at the end was pretty hot too, but come on, there's no way I could focus after her predecessor. 3rd Quarter Packers Drive #3 Don Majkwoski is hard to figure out sometimes. On first down he faced a one man rush and crumbled faster than a trailer house in tornado season. But on second down he faced an eight man rush, stood in the pocket, and delivered a completion. And then on 3rd and 15 he wisely air-mails a pass that is high enough that only Sterling Sharpe can catch it. He does and it's a first down for the Packers in Dolphin territory. On second down, an uncovered Sterling Sharpe makes a diving catch on an unintentionally overthrown Majkowski pass and the Packers have their first lead of the day. 14-10, Green Bay Dolphins Drive #4
On first down they shocked us all by passing, but Johnny Holland took advantage of the five-man combo block that Nelson was facing to record a sack. The Packers kept bringing the heat on the next two plays, bringing out Stoyanavich yet again for an important field goal. And it didn't have a prayer from the beginning, as the Dolphins missed their kick and spoiled Marc Logan's best effort of the 2005/1991 Tecmo season. Packers Drive #4 The Packers humiliated the Dolphins by picking up a first down on the Sharpe reverse, but quickly went to work rectifying the situation by screwing up a three-yard dump to Keith Woodside. They tried to bring justice full circle by throwing an interception, but the Dolphins were too clumsy to oblige them. A punt kick soon followed. Dolphins Drive #5
End of 3rd Quarter: Green Bay-14, Miami-10 4th Quarter Dolphins Drive #5 (Continued) After Dan Marino did his best to turn the ball over on second down, Ferrell Edmunds one-upped him by accomplishing the feat on third. Chuck Cecil, a man once questioned by Sports Illustrated to be too "bad" for the NFL ("Bad" in a Hell's Angels-meets-Wayne Haddix way, not in a Hell's Pussies-meets-Tom Tupa fashion) recovered the ball and gave the Packers a chance to go for the jugular. Packers Drive #5 Speaking of Haddixes, the Packer with that surname brought the ball down to the five right away with a well-executed draw (contrary to what the Bengals and Browns showed us last week, this is NOT an oxymoron.) Two plays later, Keith Woodside had six points on the board and visions of 4-0 in his eyes.
Dolphins Drive #6 The Dolphins had to hurry, but Dan Marino getting sacked by twelve Packers (don't ask) on first down wasn't going to help much. They took a timeout to gameplan a three-yard Sammie Smith lead, but then actually picked up the first down when Ferrell Edmunds caught a pass and most importantly, held onto it for the duration of the play. Sammie Smith gained nine yards following an incompletion to set up 3rd and 1. And Marino hit Smith with a pass, but the Packers defensive end slid, what conservative estimates are placing at 13 kilometers, and stopped him for a three yard loss. Marino picked up a first down and lot of yards on the next play by shirking the open receivers in the end zone for five-yard underneath routes to the tortoise-paced Tony Paige. The Dolphins, apparently confused as to clock management logic differing when you are behind from when you are ahead, made sure to run a couple clock-draining runs and end the game. Closing Thought The Dolphins lost this game because their play-calling was as admirable as a grown man's ability to bathe himself. I'm handing out the player of the game to Bob Nelson, for no particular reason really, other than to fulfill the prophecy of my former self. I love that guy too much to have him proven wrong.   |
