[Leonardite.com] [Tecmo Home] [Season] [Players] [Teams] [Guests] [E-Mail] [Guestbook]
 First Quarter The Moon man will start first with the ball on the 14 yard line. Oilers Drive #1 The Oilers waste no time busting out the greatest fucking play in Tecmo history: The Moon sneak. It goes for only two yards, but I stood up and applauded anyway. After a minimal gain by Lorenzo White, Moon flimflams the Eagles defense by faking scramble and then stepping up and delivering a first down strike to a doubel-covered Ernest Givins. Two plays later, Moon and Givins connect again and the Oilers have struck first. 7-0, Houston
Not to be outdone by his counterpart, Jamie Foxx completes a second down pass into tight coverage to Calvin Williams, thus moving the sticks. The blitz comes hard and heavy on the next play, and the machine known as "Meads" buries Marvin Lewis for a nine-yard loss. Two incompletions later, everybody's favorite punter, Jeff Feagles, trots onto the field to the roars of the crowd and the clothes-removal of the female admirers. Oilers Drive #2 Seth Joyner is able to get some revenge for Chris Tucker's dogpile as he sacks Moon for a five-yard loss. On third and eleven, Moon threads the needle to a diving Lorenzo White giving the Oilers a first down across midfield. The Oilers go incompletion, totally badass Moon sneak, and White draw on their next three plays. This combo nets them nine yards and a fourth down decision in the second quarter. End of 1st Quarter: Houston-7, Philadelphia-0 Second Quarter Oilers Drive #2 (Continued) Tony Zendejas comes out and hits the kick of the year so far, a 56-yarder that didn't have any chance of missing whatsoever. 10-0, Houston
After a tremendous return across midfield, Officer Carl Winslow leads his team onto the field to start at the 46. After a quick dive to Heath Sherman, BJ Armstrong attempts to scramble on second down but is buried by the heart of the Oiler defense, Ray Childress. Facing third and eleven, the Eagles give a dive to Anthony Toney, who is filling in for the injured Keith Byars. But his defeated, suddenly white body is seen lying on the field following the play, meaning the Eagles are left with Drummond to shoulder the halfback duties. Roger Ruzek comes out for a 58 yard attempt, but his wide left number was very UnZendejaslike if you ask me. Oilers Drive #3 Moon hits White for a quick five yards and then follows it up with the play that's always a good call, the Moon sneak. With only one yard to pick up, the Eagles pick the White sweep and bury the Houston halfback for a loss of five. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a punt kick. Eagles Drive #3 Starting from his own 16, Anson Carter again tries to scramble and again is buried by a diving Ray Childress. After Drummond gets his first carry of the season, the Fresh Prince attempts to pass the football but again is sacked by Ray Childress, who clearly has a vendetta against this identity-shifting quarterback. On the plus side, it is now Feagles time again. Oilers Drive #4 A minute and change on the clock and the Oilers get off to a great start with a four-yard loss by Lo White. Moon then takes it to a new level of showboating, zipping a pass to Haywood JeffRIes in triple coverage. This brings the Oilers to the forty yard line, obviously in Zendejas territory. Zendejas will have a considerably shorter kick this time, though, as Moon connects with JeffRIes for a wide open TD score. 17-0, Houston Eagles Drive #4 The Eagles run three unimportant plays in the last eighteen seconds and it's starting to appear that the shadow on QB Eagles' profile picture simply means that this player decided not to show up for this game.
Halftime The crowd signified their enjoyment of all the festivities by changing colors the whole time. But when the panty shot arrived, the briskness of their color swapping was so intense that the stands on the east side of the stadium finally crumbled under the pressure. 3rd Quarter Eagles Drive #5 Starting from their own 36, the Eagles start things off with an eight-yard scamper by Drummond. Benjamin Banneker finally has time to throw on second down and uses it to hit Heath Sherman, bringing Philly to the Oiler 36. Two plays later, Bryant Gumbel connects with Fred Barnett to put the Eagles on the board. 17-7, Houston Oilers Drive #5
24-7, Houston Eagles Drive #6 Okay, this is blowing my mind. On the kickoff, magic man Zendejas further shows off by exibiting the ANGLED KICK! I can't believe it........an ANGLED KICK! I forgot this was even an option and now the computer is pulling it out? Man, the Oilers really are cocky. Wow. Anyway, Dr. Julius Hibbert completes a pass to Sherman on first down picking up ten yards. Darius Rucker is then pummeled on second down by a white Oiler, who unfortunately turns out to be John Grimsley and not Ray Childress. Vijay Singh's third down pass is incomplete and Feagles is back to the enjoyment of the person sitting in front of the keyboard. Oilers Drive #6 Another amazing diving catch by Lorenzo White has the Oilers sitting on the Philadelphia 32 yard line. End of 3rd Quarter: Houston-24, Philadelphia-7 4th Quarter Oilers Drive #6 (Continued)
27-7, Houston Eagles Drive #7 Kenny Jackson is astounded by the mundane "straight kick" by Zendejas. Zendejas is flabbergasting the Eagles today. Will he kick from 60? Will he come close to missing a kick? Are his kickoffs going to be straight or angled? The mindfucking of the Eagles results in a brusied cerebrum for Kenny Jackson who is carried from the field. Ell Roberson knows he has a lot of work to do, so he starts things off by handing the ball to Heath Sherman for a loss of one. Kevin Eubanks turns the heat up on second down however by completing a pass to tight end Keith Jackson to get back into Houston territory. Lynn Swann hits his ABC counterpart, Jackson, for another gain to get Philly into the red zone. But Heath Sherman fumbles and William Fuller recovers the first turnover of the game. He Redenbachers the Eagles until finally getting dragged down at the Philadelphia 46. Oilers Drive #7 The Oilers have given up as their offense nets zero yards on three runs. Rather than having Zendejas hit from sixty, they do the sportsmanlike thing and punt kick the ball into the bleachers. Eagles Drive #8 Theo Huxtable and the Eagles run a series of meaningless plays to run the clock out. Closing Thought If Childress had gotten one or two more sacks, he'd be the player of the game. But Warren Moon's passing numbers definitely overshadowed those of Doug E. Doug's and therefore are the reason he gets this prestigious nod.   |
