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 First Quarter The Steelers are starting their drive at roughly their own 45. Steelers Drive #1 After Bell carries the ball twice for a net average of exactly zero yards, Brister threads the needle for a thirteen yard gain and a first down. Bell subsequently picks up two consecutive first downs, casting a dubious shadow on his equal pairing with Ivy Joe Hunter in the Schulzetenberg ratings. Officially in the red zone, Bubby Brister throws an interception on third down which would be embarassing enough, until I add that it was to Greg Manusky. At this point, 35 year-old bedwetters are laughing at him.
The Skins figure they can't run reverses all game if they don't start right away, so Gary Clark picks up five yards on first down. That is all erased, plus three more, when Hardy Nickerson sacks Rypien at the two yard line. The hand-off to Earnest Byner in the end zone is met by all eleven defenders, plus former Penguins defenseman Ulf Samuelsson for some reason, and results in two points for the Steelers. 2-0, Pittsburgh Steelers Drive #2 After a great return to the Redskins 38, Brister connects with Derek Hill who is tackled at the goal line. Merril Hoge does his best to tackle himself as he repeatedly rams into the left guard, but ultimately fails in his efforts as he scores a touchdown. 9-0, Pittsburgh Redskins Drive #2 Byner picks up two yards and Rypien overshoots his receiver by twenty as the first quarter comes to a close. End of 1st Quarter: Pittsburgh-9, Washington-0 Second Quarter Redskins Drive #2 (Continued) On an obvious passing down, the Steelers cleverly put zero defenders in coverage leaving Art Monk to catch a ball and carry it to the opposing twenty. Earnest Byner takes over from there, chewing up the red zone in two plays. 9-7, Pittsburgh
Brister continues to show flashes of good football (Manusky lobs notwithstanding) as he completes a 30-yard pass to Lipps. On second and six, Brister takes off and picks up 11 yards on the ground and is threatening to win some awards for good play for a change, as opposed to his "Least Durable Arm" and "Most Embarassing Bubby" trophy collections. On 3rd and 12, Brister's pass looks destined for the Washington Times' photographer, but Eric Green makes a jaw-dropping leaping catch that robs the Redskins of their spirit and the fans of their chance to see Gary Anderson's funny facemask try and kick a field goal. 16-7, Pittsburgh Redskins Drive #3 Hardy Nickerson records his second sack of the day on first down, but Rypien dumps his next pass to Ricky Sanders who speeds into Steeler territory. After a quick timeout to discuss any possible cons in running the reverse with 59 seconds and 45 yards left to score a touchdown, the Skins apparently don't find any and let Gary Clark waste twenty seconds of game clock. The genius of that decision is all but forgotten on the next play when the Washington tight end makes no attempt to react to, much less catch, the pass from Rypien. Chip Lohmiller subsequently delivers from 40 and the Redskins have it within a touchdown going into halftime.
End of 2nd Quarter: Pittsburgh-16, Washington-10 Halftime Unlike the last couple weeks, this game has been tolerable. And very unlike the last couple of weeks, it has been enjoyable. Needless to say the arrival of the panty shot at halftime sent me from "ecstasy" to "chocolate-covered endorphins ecstasy." 3rd Quarter Redskins Drive #4 Mark Rypien exhibits a hideous pass before pulling out an exceptional one, hitting a covered Gary Clark in-stride and ending up at the Pittsburgh twelve yard-line. After Rypien's first down pass falls incomplete, the Redskins run two reverses. These net as many touchdowns as you would expect out of consecutive reverses. Paging Mr. Lohmiller... 16-13, Pittsburgh
The Steelers grind out a three-play first down to get into Redskins territory in the middle of the third quarter. After a ten-yard gain by Bell, Derek Hill hauls in another mind-blowing leaping catch for his second TD of the day. Bubby Brister better thank his #2 receiver for the groupies that will be waiting for him in the lobby tonight, his first since he was mistaken for Chuck Long in 1988. 23-13, Pittsburgh Redskins Drive #5 After a fruitless carry by Byner on first down, Mark Rypien fires a pass to a Pittsburgh defender at least three yards out of bounds. Despite the fact that the boundary has clearly been painted on by the grounds crew, the officiating crew disregards the rules of football and awards a possession change to the Steelers. Joe Gibbs goes berzerk on the sideline, unloading on the umpire and threatening to hit the linesman with a restrictor plate.
The human highlight-reel that Derek Hill has become (sorry 'Nique) rolls on with a fabulous diving catch that brings the Steelers down to the 18. Richard Bell then labors his way into the end zone on the very next play in a carry that was more "slovenly" than "swift" in nature. 30-13, Pittsburgh End of 3rd Quarter: Pittsburgh-30, Washington-13 4th Quarter Redskins Drive #6 On 3rd and 13, the Redskins' offense appears ready to return to their coffins, but Rypien and Byner hook up for a big gain that keeps the drive alive. Rypien follows that up immediately with a pass to a wide-open Art Monk who scores Washington's second touchdown of the game. 30-20, Pittsburgh Steelers Drive #6 After a failed onside kick, Brister connects again with Hill for twenty yards, although this time he disappointingly has both feet on the ground. The subsequent three-and-out brings the ageless digital Gary Anderson (not the ageless real-life Anderson) onto the field for a 39 yarder. 33-20, Pittsburgh Redskins Drive #7 Watching the clock drip away, the Redskins conserve time by burning a full minute on two Gary Clark reverses. They eventually score on a diving catch by Monk in the end zone, but it's a touchdown they definitely don't deserve. 33-27, Pittsburgh Steelers Drive #7 After renowned handsman Bubby Brister recovers his second consecutive onside kick, the Steelers drain the clock and return to the Steel City champions of the D.C. Mediocre Bowl. Closing Thought I liked this game. It was actually close and if the Redskins had kicked the ball away from Brister's sticky hands on their last onside attempt, it could have come down to the final play. Derek Hill looked like a magician, minus the light show and boyfriend, and comes away as our player of the game.   |
