 If you really look hard enough, everyone has some sort of prejudice against others. While many people are your standard religious and racial persecutors, there are some out there who have bizarre, hate-filled infatuations. While it may not make sense, at least we are all used to guys in bed sheets hating blacks or guys with diapers on their heads hating Americans. However, it seems more than a little odd when you see a multi-million dollar actor who has a severe and profound hatred of the United Kingdom. In two of his most famous and profitable movies, Braveheart and The Patriot, Mel Gibson made many dump-trucks full of money by picking on England. In Braveheart, we saw Mel chop, swat, and rip the heads off of just under 250 British soldiers. At least the story was basically real, save for the fact that William Wallace was practically in love with the king compared to Mel Gibson. A few years later, Mel delivered The Patriot. His formula for releasing this film was pretty clever: "Find a time in history where the British were bastards and then make up an entirely new story where I get to beat the piss out them." So we get a story that I guess is supposed to be about the Revolutionary War, where Mel accomplishes his goals of butchering hundreds of British soldiers and scoring a chick with huge breasts. With his latest blockbuster, The Passion of the Christ, Mel Gibson has successfully created a diversion from a troublesome fact that was threatening his career: The man hates the British. There was a guy spreading a rumor that he had Union Jack toilet paper a few years ago. When prodded for reasons as to why he thought this, the anonymous tipster replied, "Because!" Normally we would have disregarded this rumor, but based on Mel's history and the fact that "Because!" became a legal defense strategy in Los Angeles, the public must at least concede that it is more than likely that Mel wipes himself with the flag of York. What Mel has done with the Passion is a genius move that I didn't realize he even had in him. With the European influence still lurking around Hollywood, being known as a British hater is as damaging to a career as being a male adulterer or running into theaters completely naked with a butcher knife. So Mel had two options: Either bring his cleaver into the premiere of "Hidalgo" or create a smokescreen. Thus, Mel Gibson made a big noise and made it look like he hated Jews. The world breathed a sigh of relief. Laura Mabers, a housewife from Brighton, had this to say on the issue: "It's such a relief. It was pretty disturbing to think that he hated us, but now that we all know he really hates Jews, I mean, what's new about that?"
Genius it was, but I heard that it wasn't all Mel's doing. In fact, when Mel Gibson first penned the screenplay for his epic, Pontius Pilate was replaced by the Duke of York, Fergie was cast as Judas, and Prince Charles' sons were to replace the robbers on the crosses flanking Jesus Christ. That isn't even all that disturbing until you consider that he was going to put the boys on the crosses and not even film the scene for the movie. And when I say "put them on crosses," I mean "take them into his basement and shoot them dead." Luckily his agent wisely suggested that he pick on the Jews. Apparently this made him "right" with the world again, as Mel is swimming in his money bin, the British are snobby once more, and the Jews are pissed off.
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