Title Page

Media Tour: Part One

Media Tour: Part Three


Confusing "video game tournament" with "hoarding Jolly Ranchers in a pumpkin bucket," Barry wore an old Halloween costume as underwear.

Even though I'm pretty comfortable in my skin, there was naturally still some nagging doubt about entering a large bar in Madison wearing eye black and a cutoff medium t-shirt with Boomer Esiason on it. This doubt vanished when the first thing I saw was two old pals from the AFC Pro Bowl team kicking back with a morning mix.

The afternoon reading came from L.T.'s book and was better received by the audience because A) they were drunker; and B) the words, "I'm L.T. Don't fuck with me!" got yelled. Ever the contrarian, I preferred the Hoss quote because A) I can't believe Jeff Hostetler wrote a book; and B) I was already half-lit at 9:30 AM.

This battle of old Packers linemen wasn't even a fair fight.

This picture was taken before the combatants realized I was about rule the group with an iron fist. Reed was my stoutest competition Tecmo-wise, while his friend behind him was my stoutest apparel competitor with his "Return of the (Kevin) Mack" iron-on t-shirt.

Rod Woodson (Knobbe) is a Tecmo legend, and this picture is about eight years in the making. He has consistently beat the drum for Leonardite.com over the years, which is really appreciated considering most of my "real" friends find my website to be confusing and vulgar. The owner of the Tecmo Repository, he graciously provided the tournament's participants with Bo Jackson can koozies, copies of Tecmo Super Bowl II for Genesis, and a live webcam feed on which to show off our brawny physiques to the world. Not to be outdone in the generosity competition, I still haven't paid Joey back for my share of the weekend's expenses.

This screen is one of my favorites in Tecmo. "Do you want to erase the season? YES NO" "Really? YES NO" If only my cell phone had this redundancy built in, there are at least six girls I know of that might still talk to me.

A murderer's row of Tecmo.

Here I am demonstrating the not-uncommon occurrence of Bruce Smith being in excellent condition, therefore making him so fast that he is nearly uncontrollable. If he's not sprinting pell mell into random obstructions, he blows by his intended target with absurd recklessness.

Random crowd shot from the morning session. The afternoon session featured more people and more drunk people, but the morning had a certain "let's all get acquainted before we get shitfaced sloppy together" quaintness to it that I appreciated.

Knobbe hit the nail on the head when he pointed out that we were one Darren short of the Woodson Hat Trick.

Knobbe and his opponent had a hell of a Tecmo slobberknocker that Knobbe pulled out with a lucky timeout/field goal combination as overtime expired. I was actually hoping for a tie in this game, not because I'm into statistical rarities, but because I like it when everybody leaves a leisure pursuit disappointed.

Barry and Joey got some practice in after I had steamrolled my group by the combined, gigantic margin of victory of almost 12 points in three games. Shortly after this they both also lost their eye black, which proves that their faces are greasy pools of filth and that they don't have the character or the heart of a southern Ohio gunslinger.

"AverageTSBPlayer" had without question the best cheering section in the tournament. Constantly clamoring for "UP AND A! UP AND A!," they cheered, made noise, and imbibed alcoholic beverages until their hero was vanquished and the day had given way to the mysteries of the night. The last time I saw a crowd cheer like this for one man, he was sprinting across the outfield of a Major League Baseball stadium and ended up getting leg whipped by a 70 year-old security guard.

This might have been annoying if you were the group's opponent, or were allergic to Mexican straw hats and maracas. Having no material or musical instrument allergies, I got a tremendous amount of enjoyment out of their antics all day.
Continue to Part 3 . . . >

Leonardite.com © 2011
Dedicated to The Stick