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Name: Leonardite
State: North Dakota
Birthday: 1/24/1984
Gender: Male

Interests: music, girls, surfing, sports, walrus hunting, having fun LOL!!!!!
Expertise: Rigging the main sail on a 1600's era pinnace
Occupation: Archduke of Romania

Website: visit my website
AIM: thomasdolbyrocks44
Yahoo: None.......yet!!!!!!

Member Since: 2/31/2002

SubscriptionsSites I Read
i used to suscrbie to lots of pepole, but since we ogt into a fight, i don't. but i bet you are all still reading jerks!!!!!!!!

My Blogrings

Tenacious D Middle Finger Ring

Monday, January 31, 2005

Featured Blog: j_DizZle_JeNnY

If there's one thing that I want all visitors to take with them when they leave my website it's this: I hate the internet. This might sound surprising to hear coming from the foreman of a massive (one person) website crew, but it's the truth. It's only a matter of time until I maliciously hack apart my own code in protest of the mindless black hole that exists at the other end of your 56K. The fact that I haven't done it yet is either a testament to my flagrant hypocrisy, procrastination, or both.

Granted, one of the main reasons I hate blogs is because they are so gloomy. After spending a night reading all of the sob stories on Xanga, you'll be shocked when "Bergen-Belsen" rarely appears in the location field. Then again, systematic human elimination has nothing on the horrors of English tests or middle-class parents, so let's stop belittling the traumatic experiences of the real victims. I apologize, 14 year-old girls, I meant no disrespect.

I'm sorry for opening up this chapter of blog enlightenment with a pseudo-rant of my own, but obviously there are some significant differences between my anger and that of the bloggers. Those differences lie mainly in the numbers of exclamation points and misspelled words.

Tonight's beautiful illustration of the further irrelevance of proper English comes to us courtesy of the !!!ADAM SANDLER!!! blogring. I'm sure if Adam Sandler knew of this blogring, he would take every reasonable step necessary to eliminate it and save his reputation. That is a bold statement, considering this is the same guy who made his fortune by singing songs about a man taking the world's longest pee and causing those around him to wet their pants in admiration.

As you can see by this beautiful promotional poster for the ring created by myself and my disinterest just a few moments ago, it has a pretty standard blogring description. Many of the important characteristics are there like excessive and unnecessary exclamation points, boycott of capital letters, and at least one inexplicably placed "g."

It looks like we're getting into the good stuff today, kids.

Once inside the ring, there are quite a few different strategies you can use to pick out the "winners." For tonight, I took the approach of trying to find the blog description that most resembled something written by a sleeping face on a keyboard. Obviously this isn't easy, since it's hard to find a blog that would be that well-written, but I finally settled on this little fellow.

Title: j_DiZzle_JeNnY
Official Description:HeY iM jEnNY!! mY nIcKnAmE iS j-dIzZlE LoL!
CIA Functionality:The absurd capitalization must be code for something. I assume that the capital letters spell out our secret message.

HYMEN YIK........Alright, by now you should be capable of coming up with your own vagina jokes.

I'm going to warn anyone who follows the link that there is an explosion of pink and Maroon 5 on the other side, so it might not be completely safe to check out at work or if you are trying to stay in the closet.

Overall, this blog is pretty ugly. One thing that I have noticed is that most Xanga users are going to their own custom designs rather than the fabulous base model you see on this page. I have a sneaking suspicion that people are being forced to pay to do this and if so, it reinforces my theory that there's a special section in Hell reserved for Xanga executives.

The Blog

Here's a free history lesson from on America's two favorite things named "Liberty."

The Liberty Bell

The Liberty Bell is an American bell of great historic significance, located in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

Along with the Statue of Liberty, the Liberty Bell is perhaps the most prominent symbol of American liberty, and probably the most prominent symbol associated with early American history and the battle for American independence and freedom.

Marcus Liberty

A star basketball player at the University of Illinois, Liberty moved on to a lackluster NBA career that is only remembered by those masochistic enough to have chosen the Denver Nuggets in Tecmo NBA Basketball.
Saturday January 15, 2005
not much today, went to the mall with my grandmom, nd sammy, now i have a bad a new book at waldens books...and thats it...<3333

I'm going to start the dissection with a little bit of praise. As boring as that entry is, it's what I would expect from a journal. No fluff, no over-exaggeration of the day's events, just a simple summary of what happened. But I do have one qualm. It wasn't until about a month ago that I figured out that this


is supposed to be a heart. If that's a heart, then I guess I have to thank j_DizZle for the super-scoop ice cream cone at the end of her message.

Friday January 14, 2005
WOw...Field trip today!! It was pretty lovely, but honestly I REALLI WANTED TO SEE THAT LIBERTY BELL!! oh well..maybe ill go another time...well...i cant believe im posting this on the internet, but i realli realli realli realli realli realli ... realli like, glad i got that off my chest, now if i could just do away with these knockers of mine!!! oh well...i got a lovely ben franklin penny...yeah ben franklin was in my pants, he was in alexis's first tho.... :-/ ................jake long? that american dragon, yeah i want jake LONG's american dragon.... alrigthey love you guyssssss!! well u one person, the onli one that looks at this...HI ALEXIS!

You know all the publicity that those Japanese kids get for being not retarded? It's completely deserved. She really wanted to see "that Liberty Bell" thing or whatever it's called. I'm not really sure what it is either, but I doubt that Japanese kids ever go "I sure wish I could have seen THAT big volcano last week" or "I sure wish I hadn't eaten THAT dog this morning." I mean, they're pretty knowledgeable in their subject matter.

Even worse than the ambiguous history knowledge has to be the spelling of the word "really." Eight times, she spelled it "realli."


I'll never understand this internet phenomenon of changing the spellings of words to look more cool. I can kind of accept it if you are shortening words for time purposes, but simply replacing letters doesn't make any sense to me. You might have noticed that I am completely dancing around the most logical scenario of illiteracy or possible mental deformity.

Monday January 10, 2005

This post is everything and nothing about Xanga wrapped into one. It's like some sort of paradigm, but let's avoid legitimizing blogs with words over five letters long. I'm just going to label it "funki weerd."

On the one hand, she takes the time out of her day to post that to the internet. I can't imagine what would happen if my dignity caught me passing something like that off as web production. But hey, it's a blog, we've got to keep updating it no matter what, right?

But on the other hand, it's everything your normal blog entry isn't. It has no misspellings, no rants, no lovesick diatribes, and most importantly, no song lyrics.

Saturday January 8, 2005
heyyyyyyyy, guys!!!!!!! whats crackin fools? nuthin here! im bored, i died my hair, but it like didnt realli work....oh barnacles!!! alrite...well...later!

I send my condolences to your hair and its family. Oh barnacles, it sure will be missed.

Thursday January 6, 2005
- 3hey guys!!!!! wow i havnt been on for so long!!! well on this one at least lol!!!! but yeah, i got my hair cut!!!!!!!!!!!!! ill put the pic in then, but its so dorky i look all young..yeah but life is good....alrite, LEAVE COMMENTS FOOLS!!! now some amazing willy wanker

No comments. Not shocking. Think if somebody implored you to talk to them with that speech. Is there any way you'd ever give in? What if money, beautiful girls, and sports cars were showered upon you in exchange for saying, "Not much YO! Peace out!!!!!!!!!!!" Not a fucking chance.

Monday November 15, 2004 gonna make a new xanga....

Yes, great idea. You're already totally bored and have nothing to write about, but by creating a new weblog you should automatically have twice as much stuff to speak on. It's people like you that are forcing the rest of us to pay out of our retirement funds for bandwith. And besides, there's nobody in the world busy enough that they would require two separate weblogs. Well, except for Pat O'Brien maybe. I mean, the guy is both a sportscaster and a Hollywood expert. I think he probably needs four.

Sunday November 14, 2004
...hmm...boring weekend....i got the hoobastank rocks bum! I went to see the polar express today!!! it was realli realli realli good, but the one boy reminded me of my grandmoms friends son, who likes to yell "get away from me frank, you crazy freak!" and the tom hanks guy, and santa, reminded me of mr freed!!! so otherwise it was good, then i went to the grandmom got mad at me wen i declared i hate limited too with a passion!!!! so yeah....but COME ON!!! limited too is like...i dunno, demented!!!! and so is the pink crap on my sick of it!!!!!! lol....o well....alritey peace guyzzzz!!! hollER

In the midst of all the blogging gibberish she declares that like the other 5,999,999,999 of us, she hates her blog. I think this was the moment John Lennon envisioned when he penned "Imagine."

Wednesday November 10, 2004
life is boring....what can i bum is realli bored.....

"Sorry to hear that you are so bored. You should live my life. I'm always partying."

Michael Jackson's bum

Language Skills: Putrid. Disgusting. Downright shameful. In other words it was exceptional for a blog.

Alright, that's a total lie. I don't care if you don't want to learn your own language, but just refrain from wrecking it for the rest of us. Besides Pig Latin, it's the only one most of us will ever have.
Blog Appearance:When the blogger goes out of her way to declare that the blog is hideous, that's saying something. Then again, bloggers detest everything about themselves and their lives, so it probably isn't.
Final Thoughts:My life in high school was a lot more exciting than this. Me going out and living instead of typing on a fake webpage is probably the culprit as to why.

Ice Cream Cone,

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