Piston Honda: A hero to Tourette's sufferers everywhere.
The World Video Boxing Association returned after a tumultuous two weeks that saw two of its superstars incarcerated in the Mediterranean region. As the storm surrounding the arrests of Bald Bull and Von Kaiser finally subsided, Doc Louis brought his promotion out for a second night of fighting on Leonardite.com. Louis addressed a smaller and more subdued crowd than the sell-out mob that was seen on the first night.
“We here at the WVBA are completely embarrassed by the actions of our resident idiots, Bald Bull and Von Kaiser. That just goes to show what happens when you let lousy Europeans into a boxing circuit, especially those from Eastern Europe. It was very nice of me to go bail them out and therefore, they owe me big time, man. But hey, I’m an easy guy to get along with, so ya know, it won’t be too much they have to do. Oh wait, yes it will.”
Doc’s very confusing speech left the crowd with many more questions than answers, but luckily the night did have a fight for the crowd to chew on for awhile. Piston Honda was ready to put on a show, but his original opponent, Bald Bull was under suspension from the WVBA. Therefore, King Hippo, who lost in the main event on the first night, graciously stepped in to take a shot at another World Circuit Opponent.
WC #3 Piston Honda vs. MC #3 King Hippo
Piston Honda came into this fight very cocky, as he totally expected to walk all over his 0-1 opponent. During the pre-fight conference with Referee Mario, Piston Honda delivered his redundant “I’m going to give you a TKO from Tokyo!” speech, to which King Hippo responded by opening his mouth wide enough to fit a refrigerator inside.
As the fight opened, the crowd was very hot and it was apparent that they were there to see the World Circuit fighter put away the outmatched Major as quickly as possible. As any idiot could figure out, flaring your eyebrows up and down isn’t going to win a lot of fights, but this was the strategy that Piston Honda ingeniously employed. His homoerotic facial gestures were met with some severe jabs to the kisser from King Hippo, however. The crowd was shocked to see the popular Piston Honda receiving numerous blows from Hippo. Mirroring his previous fight with Mr. Sandman, King Hippo was a punishing force as he continued to batter Piston Honda throughout the first round.
“I was shocked, to be honest,” recounted Honda after the fight. “I thought my eyebrows would be enough to intimidate him into submission.”
The island chief was obviously not to be bamboozled, however, as his mouth-open deliveries pounded Honda into the corner, severely weakened and down on the scorecard of judge Slo Mo Jones, best known for his career on Evander Holyfield’s Real Deal Boxing.”
The second round turned around for Honda, as he decided to do some actual “fighting.” Relying on the videotapes from two weeks ago, Honda began timing his punches to pop Hippo in the face when he opened up his mouth.
“Just as Sandman show me, I knew I could punch when mouth opened. It was real good.”
Indeed it was good. Piston Honda turned the tide of the match to the point that he was able to have things evened up going into round three. As Mario called for the opening bell of the final round, the tension was thicker than King Hippo’s waistline. It was indistinguishable whether Hippo was frothing or bleeding from the mouth, but the mystery fluid began flying everywhere as the devastating “mouth-openers” were being met with the Japanese Jab. It became evident that Hippo simply didn’t have the mustard to live up to his opponent.
1:28 into the final round, Honda did his dance around the ring and then delivered five direct jabs to the face of King Hippo. As we all know, once Hippo’s down, he’s down for good, and today was no exception. His eyes spun like crazy and Honda flicked his eyebrows up and down to no end as he celebrated his win.
Afterwards, the consensus was that this was a decent match, but clearly nothing to write home about. Doc Louis was more blunt:
“That match was absolute bull----, man. I’m telling you, I could’ve gone out there, tied one arm behind my back and started beating the **** out of myself and it would’ve been a more entertaining show. That Hippo man, I don’t know about him. He better start knocking some bros out in the first round or else he’s gonna get killed. And we’re going to have to do something about those eyebrows on Honda.”
As a reporter asked him about Flamenco, Doc Louis quickly shot back.
“Why the hell does that sissy always have to be brought up?”
Louis then left the arena, which played host to a lackluster night, but a return of the WVBA nonetheless.
-Soda Popinski was in the building to witness the event.
-Piston Honda maintained his #3 World Circuit ranking
-King Hippo fell to #4 in the Major Circuit rankings.
-Referee Mario was fined by Doc Louis for calling it a good fight.
-Doc tried to demonstrate his one-arm show and gave himself a black eye in the process.
-Behind his back, the boys in the locker room were giggling like schoolgirls over Doc’s shiner.