Most people that create biographical websites on numerous wrestlers often start with the usual suspects like Steve Austin, Hulk Hogan, and The Rock. Most people that create biographical wrestling websites also are wearing a paper crown made out of the Backlash PPV card and have a catheter inserted so as not to miss any moment of WWE Confidential and their groundbreaking look into the art of Diva pillow fighting.

I'm different. Not only is my paper crown made out of the Verve Pipe CD liner, but my all-inclusive wrestling biographies at this point have no Rock, Hogan, or Steve Austin, but do include Charles Robinson and Earnest Miller. And now we can add to that fortress of starpower the most vicious man to enter a wrestling ring whose last name wasn't actually "Vicious," Mr. Brian Knobbs. Excuse me, "Nasty" Brian Knobbs. (And for you abbreviation buffs, "Nasty" as a titled abbreviation is a drawn middle finger which can only be roughly duplicated on a computer as:

<^>. Brian Knobbs

Just plain awesome
This picture is flat-out awesome. And I swear to The Stick that I'm not being at all sarcastic.
Just looking at Mr. Knobbs, excuse me, <^>. Knobbs, you are forgiven if your stomach turned into a knot and your head braced for a savage trash can beating. In the oldest days of professional wrestling, legitimate fighters performed the actions. Throw trash at Lou Albano and you damn well better look out for him in the parking lot. Things progressed into the 1980's explosion where the wrestlers were all larger than anabolic life. Throw a rock at Ricky Steamboat and you might get away if his arm falls off while he's fighting you. Things changed in the 90's, though. This isn't to say that steroids made a departure from the business, one look at the Empire State Building wrestling under the name "Scott Steiner" refutes that claim, but fans weren't overly enthralled with hugeness anymore. Thanks to a fun little blood-spilling promotion known as Extreme Championship Wrestling, crowds were drawn to seeing guys rip each other open with barbed wire, diving off of a ladder, and smashing some fool's back through three tables.

Enter Brian Knobbs. Knobbs was too small for anyone to "ooh and ahh" over and his athleticism was right in between a paraplegic and a tree stump. But damn it, the man could swing a trash can.

Real Name: Brian Yandrisovitz
Occupation: Nasty Boy
Birthdate: 5/6/64
Promotions: WWF, WCW
Fashion: Nastified
Titles Held: WWF Tag Team, WCW Tag Team, WCW Hardcore

With most wrestlers, I have been breaking down their careers in each of the major federations with highlights memorable to me. When it comes to Knobbs, my only memories consist of about a three-month run in WCW where his body shape was estimated as "marshmallow." His most famous days were with the Nasty Boys tag team, but he's not nearly as cool to talk about unless it was during an era when "BRIAN KNOBBS" got flashed on the screen when he came to the ring so this era will be avoided entirely.

Rock star
Today's exciting wrestling fact from Steve Gerweck:
"The Rock is a skilled light tackle salt water fisherman."
Knobbs wrestled at the 1999 WCW Monday Nitro I attended and this wasn't just a normal match. This was a Hardcore Match from Satan's Bowels crossed with a Surge commercial that featured a level of Xtreme carnage that most of us weren't sophisticated enough to handle. The only other competitor I remember in the brawl was Mikey Whipwreck, but this isn't because the others were forgettable or bad wrestlers. Rather, Brian Knobbs took the oversized Surge can and other assorted weapons from his laundry cart of fucking doom and disfigured his opponents so thoroughly that even dental records were inconclusive in determining who the piles of organs and flesh used to be.

Upon reviewing the tape with detectives and fellow attendees, we saw Knobbs give a post-match "interview" that consisted of him panting into the camera at a distance of three inches. The desired content of his message eluded stenographers on the scene, but the words "Nasty," "Pain," and "Bear claw" were recognized and recorded.

Knobbs spent the better part of 1999 rumbling in junkyards and fighting guys with equally cool names like Fit Finlay and guys with really shitty names like Hak. This is the first and last time you'll ever see the WCW Hardcore Division referred to as the "better part" of anything.

Finisher: <^>. Knobbs's finisher is listed as "PitStop," a description of which I have been unable to find on the internet or in my brain. I'm assuming it refers to the fact that most people went to the bathroom while Knobbs was "wrestling."

The Knobbs Verdict: Nobody wants to come out and say it, but "Nasty" Brian Knobbs is totally awesome. I found out that he's currently unemployed but I'll take Knobbs and his garbage receptacle attacks over what's currently on RAW any day. Hell, I'll take Knobbs over almost everything else on TV today. You can have your reality shows, but you know there's nothing more real than Brian Knobbs smashing The Wall with a Singapore Cane until he bleeds and then getting smashed with him on the plane to the next show.